The First Month

I’m continuously being asked what life is like with a newborn. So I thought I would share with everyone what our schedule has been these past 30 days.

4:30 – 5:00 AM: Its feeding time – We climb out of bed, make our way down the stairs to the kitchen to heat up a bottle for the baby. The baby is crying loud enough to wake up the next city. Its a race to get the bottle to her as fast as we can. The bottle can’t be too hot or too cold.

5:00 AM – 6:00 AM: Baby screams her little head off because she needs to be burped. Poor little thing can’t seem to get her burps out. Daddy moves her into an optimal position for a good burp but then the baby spits up half her meal all over dad. (Abby does not discriminate; she hurls her meals on mommy many-many times)

6:00 – 6:15 AM: Change diapers and clothes & then rock baby to sleep while watching early morning CNN.

6:15 – 9:00 AM: Mom and dad try to go back to sleep.

9:00AM – 1:00 PM: Baby wakes us up again but daddy sneaks out to the home office pretending he does not hear a crying baby thus leaving mommy to handle the baby. After mom feeds, changes and rocks the baby to sleep mom stick her head in office and gives daddy the “look”. Daddy now works in shame and fear for his life for the next few hours.

1:00 - 1:30 PM: Daddy needs to change the babies diaper while mom cleans up and has some alone time. As soon as daddy takes the babies diaper off she pisses, spits and poops all over dad.

1:30 – 2:30 PM: Baby made room for more food after crapping on daddy. She screams at the top of her lungs and won’t quiet down till a bottle is place in her mouth. We quickly warm up a bottle and feed the baby. We change the diapers again and rock baby to sleep.

2:30 – 5:30 PM: Baby sleeps; daddy gets to go play on the Internet again. (Returning to 15 incoming IM’s from friends asking for their articles to be Digged & Sphinned ).

5:30 – 6:30 PM: Cabin fever starts to set in. We take a stroll around the neighborhood to get some fresh air. The public is receptive to the new baby and we gracefully listen to unsolicited baby advice from complete stranger who approach us on the street. Yes, we know rum was used in the past to help babies sleep!

6:30 – 7:00 PM: We cook dinner for ourselves. We sit down to eat the hot meal but as timing has it, the baby begins to cry. While one of us heats a bottle of milk, the other raps up dinner to prevent the cats from nibbling on it.

7:00 – 8:15 PM: We feed, rock and clean up after the baby. Dad thinks he sees a smile on the baby and screams “Honey, Abby just smiled at me” then the baby proceeds to simultaneously burp, spit up warm milk & crap all over him. To be immediately followed by a horrendous oder wafting up. “Never mind dear, the Princess of Poop just exploded! Can you get me a towel?”

8:15 – 10:00 PM: Baby is down; we might get lucky and watch our DVR copy of Grays Anatomy & the Office. Unfortunately we have to pause 50 times to check on the baby as she screams in her sleep. It’s Gas.

10:00 PM – 11:00 PM: It’s feeding time again, but this time for everyone. Late night snack for mommy and daddy while we power feed the baby.

11:00 PM – 12:00 AM: Mellow music is playing on the TV while we wind down. We rock the baby to sleep.

12:00 AM – 1:00 AM: Baby wakes up and screams her little head off. She wants ?????. We have no clue what she wants so we feed, burp, change her diaper, swaddle and rock her back to sleep.

1:00 AM – 4:30 AM: Mommy & daddy tries to sleep but now the cats want attention and they start to meow and dig at the carpet. In almost a deep sleep Daddy searches the floor to find his nearest shoe and pelts the first cat he sees with it.

This entry was posted on Friday, October 26th, 2007 at 11:24 pm and is filed under I Just Don't Know. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.